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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

wondering, trying not to wonder

I think I have to face it...my running can hardly be called running anymore at this point in my pregnancy.  I'm almost 35 weeks and I don't even want to know how much weight I've gained.  I'm sure I will be close to or maybe even over the 40 pound mark by the time my baby comes.  I keep telling myself not to worry, that the weight is all going to come off and that I will feel light and free again when I run.  But there is a part of me that is scared, that is worrying and wondering...

The last time I had a baby was over 4 years ago.  I had just turned 30.  Now I am close to 35.  Things are different with my body.  Even though I was possibly in the best shape of my adult life when I got pregnant this time,  I am older.  Not OLD, but OLDER.  I'm getting these nasty looking purple veins all through my legs.  In my ankles, up my calves, behind my knees and thighs.  I try not to look but the other day on accident I caught site of my backside and gasped.  I look like an old lady minus the wrinkles.  This is a genetic thing...my mom has these veins and so did my oldest sister (she had laser surgery to correct them).  I had yucky veins in my ankles when I was pregnant with my son but after he was born they went away.  Maybe that will happen again this time?  Maybe they will go away??  I can only hope...I must accept it though if they don't.

What is it going to feel like - physically - after this baby is born?  How long will it take before I can run - really RUN - again?

I'm not wishing these next 5 weeks away, I'm not.  Feeling the baby move inside me is the most magical feeling.  I love it.  Buuuuuut, I am also really excited to not be carrying all this extra weight anymore.  Getting off the couch is ridiculous.  Carrying laundry up and down the stairs is a joke.  Making all the beds in my house in the morning leaves me breathless.  And to think that less than a year ago I was running marathons and 10 miles was "easy" ... wowzah!!!  The change has been gradual but drastic.

In my heart I know that after my baby is born I can - and will - make gradual changes again.  Sure, it will take a lot of work, sacrifice and dedication.  But it will be worth it.

2 comments:

Let go of all the worry and anxiety and enjoy the last 5 weeks. You are gorgeous and the weight will come right off once you start moving again. So excited for you, Jessica! Merry Christmas to you and your adorable family!

thanks ada! you are so sweet...i am really trying to stay positive and enjoy my pregnancy it is such a blessing. i cannot wait to meet this baby!!! i hope you and your family have a magical christmas. thanks for reading here by the way :o) i love your blog, too!!!!! hope to catch up with you in person one of these days!!! xxoo

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